I'm Sorry Rahul

Did you ever lambaste someone who was new to your class?. Did you ever thrash someone by removing his pants and beating him with his own shoes? I did that. The story is cruel and I felt very very sad to be a part of it in fact I was in the lead role :( and that makes me feel more sad and bad.

When I was in 7th class[ I was in 7th class, once upon a time :)], a new guy came to my class, all the way from Bhopal. He was a short, well-built guy for 7th standard. He used to speak sporadically which made him sound like a fool. I am a born leader,as you all know :), so I was the class lead. At that time we, a group of five bastards(including me and my twin brother) used to have a regular practice of beating up guys[girls included] who disobeyed our orders. We were the Taliban's of our class and I was the proud Osama :). Rahul, the new entrant, started showing some guts, though I liked his guts , but for my gang he was the pain in the ass.One fine day, when I was monitoring [as if.....] the class in the absence of teacher,he stepped into our comfort zone, which was beyond all the barriers and anyone who wanted even to straighten his legs/arms would be interfering in our comfort zone, troubling him/herself.

So no fault of Rahul, but I just took him in and I thrashed him as if he was a dog. He retaliated badly, gave me a punch and that was the end of his story. My gang, in fact all the boys of class, held his legs, arms, head, ears, whatever they could find hold of, and started beating him. Even then he was not scared, although I wanted him to be scared to death, so that I could leave him, but he was a real fighter. He challenged me, the almighty me [:)], to fight one on one with him. Although he punched me some 5-6 times, but I made a dog of him. I gave him legs,arms,fingers, shoes,sticks,chairs and bags also. After that my gang wanted him to learn a lesson and even I also found it hard to digest that a newborn has challenged me in my den. We, five Taliban's, literally carried him to a place where we could beat the hell out of him.As far as I remember we gave him some thousand slaps while carrying him there. He finally gave up after I punched him in the face and he started crying badly, he started blabbering, I don't know what. At that moment I felt pity for him, but it was too late. The gang had, by then, started beating him. They forcefully removed his pants and shoes and they made a stray dog of him. His face was red, his eyes were dry and I am really very shameful for having done all this :(. He did not come to school for the next few days[I reckon 3 days].

He learnt a lesson which was not meant for him.Although we were not the real Taliban's, I helped him a lot in his studies and he thanked me a lot of times for being a part of his life. After leaving that school, I met him after five years and even at that time he respected me and remembered me. But still, I am sorry Rahul, because what is done once is done forever :( I don't know where is he at this time, but I hope my sorry will reach him and he will forgive my sins.

Stay Hungry-Stay Foolish

Stay Hungry-Stay Foolish- It has nothing to do with Steve Jobs except it is "his" statement. It is about a book which shares the entrepreneurial experience of 25 young as well as old entrepreneurs from the top management institute in India-IIMA. The book comprises of the interviews taken by the author-Rashmi Bansal, an IIMA graduate herself and a successful entrepreneur as well. Founder,Editor and Publisher of a popular youth magazine called JAM - Just Another Magazine.Some of these entrepreneurs graduated way back in 1970's, before I was born, some in 21st century, but all of them had the same dream,faith and vision. Some were erratic, some were eccentric, some were adamant and none of them seemd to me a normal being[Its my belief that only abnormal people can do anything real and practical]. Some quit job after three months, some after six months and some after working for 26 years. Some worked for big companies, some for bigger and some for biggest, but even then they knew that this was something they were not supposed to do.Some lived on their wife's income for long times, some worked in a single room for months.But all these things could not stop them from doing "anything", they wanted. No wonders, only this level of faith [in one's own self] brings in Naukri.com, Makemytrip.com, Subhiksha and a lot of such great creations. These are all creations indeed by these creators of Life and Vision.

P.S: I have read Reviews of this book. I don't know why, people always pick the negative things :).Some are saying why she selected only 25 people, some are saying this is not a book at all, this is just boot-licking of IIMA alumnus by the IIMA alumni. Some are advising people not to buy it. Gosh!!Anyways I suggest all of you to read the book and buy it as well and keep it with you and whenever your Life is on a roller-coaster ride(Yes, I am talking about the trough side) read this book. This book is worth reading some "n" number of times.

For further reading, please follow the links:

About the Book

About Rashmi Bansal

Feedback

Chemical Imbalance-Trichotillomania

I have achieved one more milestone in my life. As if all the other disorders were not sufficient, I have come to know that I suffering from Trichotillomania as well :P. I am having a (bad) habit of pulling my beard just below the chin since my early days of growing it.So if I do not shave for 3-4 days, I just develop a bald patch(elliptical in shape) and that particular area becomes very soft and I just enjoy rubbing that area.

I told all this to my [psychologist] girlfriend and she told me that I am suffering from Trichotillomania :P. I used to think that this was some sexual disorder but this turned out to be something else.

I'll let you know what all happens in it, I'll explain you my case(as if I am an expert maniac :P)
Whenever I read something, which I do all the times, my hand automatically goes near my neck and starts working quite efficiently and within no time I just pull each and every hair in that area. I am able to turn the pages of the book, but can not remember what all I read.
Experts say that this is because of the chemical imbalance in the brain, and the only remedy is Special Behavior Techniques. Nowadays I am practicing all those practices and when I recover I'll get back to you with some tips and tricks to avoid this.

If anyone of you is havig the same habit of pulling the hair, then congrats boss, you are also a Trichotillomaniac like me.

THE SINGING BUDDHA

Singing Buddha is what American people call him, "My Elvis" is name given to him by the Rock Star Jeff Buckley, some people directly see him as GOD. This is what world knows about him. He sang some thousands of songs(Qawwalli's) , he sang some same songs in very different styles, he performed live all over the world, he made people bang their head by playing Intoxication, Sweet Pain and a lot of songs of the psychedelic genre(I do believe his music is absolute psychedelic stuff ever existed).

He was the one who accompanied me throughout my solitary engineering years, whenever I felt low, his Godly voice was there to sooth me. I have, I think, each and every song sung by him with me, but every now and then I find some new songs, coming up from where I do not know. I believe he is still singing for me, for you and for all who love him.The song, "Sanu ik pal chain na aavay sajna tairay bina", has been sung in 6 different styles by him, I mean I have 6 different versions of this song, how much more are there, I do not know.

He performed in Europian countries with Michael Brooks, in front of the audience who did not know any Hindi or Urdu, but still every song went fo an Encore.

To read more about him you can go to the sitenusratfans.com. There are few favorites of mine which I would like to share-
1. Sanu ik pal chain na aavay sajna tairay bina
2. Intoxication
3. Sweet Pain
4. Allah-ho
5. Gham hai ya Khushi hai Tu
Listen to him, you will find yourself in trance.

The Real World of Comics

When I was a kid, people used to say,"Do not read comics, they don't teach any real thing". I am 22 now and I have learnt a lot of things from them only.But let us not care about people and go back to my Real World of Comics.

I was too much into comics, until I left the college, after that I am not getting the chance to read them, but I think that I am still into the comics.
It started when I was in 4th or 5th class. I started with CHAMPAK then I moved into the advanced level of Manoj Comics and finally I reached the expert level of RAJ COMICS. Believe me my progress was phenomenal, I crossed all these stages within one month.

Since my childhood I loved Super Commando Dhruva, he was my imagination of a perfect man. He is, what I believe, a Super Human.

The price used to be 6rupee for the small one and 12 rupees for digest's, at that time. Then there were some big-big comics of Fighter-Toads which came for some 20 rupees and they were beyod my scope, poor me.
Then the entrepreneur inside me prompted me to start a library of my own, to grow my collection of comics as well as to outshine the richies of my locality. So I started a library on my own and engaged some fools as well, for the distribution and collection purposes.We used to rent the 6rupee one for 1rupee and the 12 rupee one for 2rupees. I still remember that the first month's collection was 30 rupees. My sister used to be our Account Manager.Then I started buying the comics and keeping them for my personal collection,but after some time, the fools engaged started crying and somehow I ran that library for some 3-4 months and finally I had to abandon the whole idea because the fools were behaving in a sensitive manner and believe me, it is dangerous to run a business with sensible fools.The business can flourish only if you are having either purely sensible or utter fools, no middle one's required.

The journey continued, I moved into 9th class, that time I was having enough money with me,(Don't ask me How,Trade Secret,ya I was running some other businesses as well) to buy the comics. But then there are a lot of issues which make life miserable and bloody Inflation is one of them. The rates started increasing and 6 was 8, and 12 became 16 :(

I fought and the journey went on and on, my collection grew to a damnn 800 comics.In the meantime I moved into my higher secondary and the collection kept growing. Then again the trifles of Life worried me and I lost my contact with my beloved comics for the next one year. But thanks to the free internet facility provided by NIT HAMIRPUR, which enabled me to meet my loved ones one more time. I downloaded the comics like hell and kept the last working day of my college for reading comics exclusively. Finally after one whole semester I found myself at par with the new generation kids :P. I have 4GB of comics with me.

But then there is one more bloody thing called FATE, my brother and my dad sold all my comics to the "Kabadi" and every thing went away :(, but let us not talk about that, it is a sad story.

Nowadays I'm in a bloody job, so can not find time to read them but I'll fight and get back to the Real World of Comics.

Cold Smoking-A modern Technique

Hope you know it, if not then I will let you know about it. I am an expert in it.

Holding the cigarette against my soft and delicate lips is something I love to do, I enjoy it like hell or may be heavens(Who Knows!) provided its face is not burning :).

This is what I know as Cold Smoking, smoking without lighting the cigarette. I started it in mycollege, in 6th semester I guess and since then I go high whenever I hold the mystic beauty in my hands near my lips.

I imitate my dad whenever I smoke because he was God of Smoking, he used to beat the hell out of himself while smoking.I remember sometimes he used to smoke 3-4 packs everyday,2 was an average. Me and my brother used to get 1rupee as commission every time we used to buy a few packs for him,a fair deal I think considering the value of 1 rupee at that time. This all was done in a very clandestine manner because Supreme Court of my Mother used to be very stringent that days and if we were caught then the consequences were really very serious.My dad quit smoking in 1996 because of inability of his lungs and kidney to support him in his endeavors :)

Then I decided that I will smoke by using some other technique, smoking was mandatory, because the style and the class [I am falling short of words, holding a cigarette is something that makes me feel a little less than GOD :P, in a nutshell ] it provides is matchless. So this is the story behind the Origin of Cold Smoking Technique.Gradually with passing time I found that a lot of people follow this technique, some to quit smoking and some to enjoy the style without making their lungs and kidneys toil hard. I keep a long Gold Flake Classics with me in my room so that I can enjoy the magic without any trouble.

So its my friendly advise to all who read this that please adopt this technique because smoking, I think, is mandatory. Enjoy Cold Smoking.

बहुत दूर चला आया हूँ मैं

मैं न चला था कभी भीड़ में दब के,
अब उसी भीड़ का एक साया हूँ मैं|

इन आंखों में कुछ ख्वाब सजाये,
बहुत दूर चला आया हूँ मैं|

दिखता है जो कभी, कभी गुम जाता है वो,
उस बेदर्द "खुदा" का तड़पाया हूँ मैं|

डरता हूँ अब कुछ भी करते,
बहुत दूर चला आया हूँ मैं|

क्यूँ हुआ है ये सब, के हैरान हूँ मैं,
क्यूँ देख कर के ये ख्वाब पछताया हूँ मैं|

अपनी ही चिता पे चलते-चलते,
बहुत दूर चला आया हूँ मैं|

पर न होगा मुनासिब, अब वापिस लौट जाना,
ख्वाबों से रूठ कर के भी क्या, कभी जी पाया हूँ मैं|

कुछ तो है जो चलता हूँ मैं हरदम,
यूँ ही नहीं "इंसान" कहलाया हूँ मैं|


©copyright protected 1985-............

The Less Privileged

"This Life is a journey, we all are pilgrims. Some pilgrims have better road maps." by unknown

I have a bookmark which says the above said thing. It has been said by some great person(I don't remember the name), and the point is that I don't believe it, but time and again I see the things happening around me which make the above said statement more and more prominent.

Last Saturday,Me and my colleagues went to visit an ORPHANAGE. I did not want to go at the first place but then I decided to go. So we reached there after an hour and then we started our charity show or whatever fuck that was. I was not feeling anything till I entered that bloody orphanage but then I realized that all the kids living there were not having even a single parent of theirs alive, may be they are alive but it hardly makes any difference to them.

There were 182 kids staying in that orphanage and as I expected there were 116 girls and 66 boys. Incidentally I entered the "all-girls" section first of all(they were all between 1-5 years). Then I stayed there for some time and talked to the attendants and then I was told the "Story of Privileges".

One of the girl was thrown in front of a grocery store, other one was left on the heap of crap, one was just left on the street, needless to say they were not older than 1 day.
It made me think that they have survived such a thing so they surely would have been very lucky, but then there was the real part of the story, they were left alone by some stupids and morons to be killed by anyone, be it air, sun, rain, dog or cat.

The story does not end here, there were some 82 0r 83 kids among the 182 who were physically and mentally (as well) challenged. One of them was not having any senses at all and when I say "no senses", then I mean it. She was not aware of anything surrounding her. Her head was hanging to her left and when someone tried to straighten her head, it just drifted to the other side like a dead person. Someone left her on the street.

After coming out of that orphanage I just laughed like anything, I don't why, may be because I am having better road map,may be because I am not an orphan or may be because they are less privileged than me.

इक ख्वाब

इक ख्वाब देखता हूँ मैं, इक गाँव देखता हूँ मैं,
मिलता जहाँ खुदा है, वो राह देखता हूँ मैं|

इंसान देखता हूँ मैं, जो "मुहब्बत" करे है ख़ुद से,
हर आदमी "खुदा" है, वो जहान देखता हूँ मैं|

हाँ देखता हूँ ख़्वाबों को हकीकत में बदलता,
मिल जाए सबको "सब कुछ", वो ख्वाब देखता हूँ मैं|

सपनों की है ये दुनिया, कहता है मुझसे क्यूँ "तू",
कर ले इन्तहा जुल्म की , उस में भी अपनी "रजा" देखता हूँ मैं|

©copyright protected 1985-............

जिंदगी

वो पीपल के पत्ते, वो चाँद रात का,

वो बात यार की, वो साथ प्यार का



वो "चप्पलों" के तकिये, वो बिस्तर सड़क का,

वो रोशनी की बूँदें, वो आँचल फलक का



वो रंग दोस्ती के,वो ख्वाबों की बस्ती,

महल वो जिंदगी का, बस याद आते हैं





वो चलना बस अकेले, वो ख़ुद से करना बातें,

"शैतान" से झगड़ना, "खुदा" से मुलाकातें



कुछ टूटते से सपने, कुछ पूरे होते वादे,

कुछ नवेले से रिश्ते, कुछ झूठे से वो नाते



वो रोज "ख़ुद" से मिलना, वो शाम जिंदगी की,

"सूरज" का रोज उगना, बस याद आते हैं



©copyright protected 1985-............



This poem enjoys my four years “lived” in my college and this poem is only “for and because of” my friends. I wanted to write more and more lines but could not find enough words to summarize my life in “few” words, so this is just a “bit” of my Life. May be you will like it.

इक खुदा था

इक खुदा था जो करता था,

मुरादें पूरी मेरी

जाने क्यूँ मिट गया वो,

जाने क्यूँ गुम गया वो

इक सनम था जो चाहता था,

दिल~ओ~जान से मुझको

जाने क्यूँ बदल गया वो,

जाने क्यूँ पलट गया वो

इक था मैं जो बुनता था,

हसीं ख्वाब कभी

न रहा अब मैं हाज़िर,

न पूरा हुआ मेरा ख्वाब वो

बदल गया है अब खुदा भी,

जाने कब से

न सुनता है बातें मेरी,

न करता है गुफ्तगू वो

क्यूँ होता है ऐसा अक्सर,

इस जहां में

न बन पाता है इंसान कोई,

न हो पाता है कोई, खुदा वो

©copyright protected 1985-............

नामुमकिन कुछ भी नहीं

अक्सर पूछा करता हूँ मैं खुद से,
क्यूँ ख्वाब सजाना मुश्किल है
क्यूँ मुश्किल है खुद से लड़ना,
क्यूँ तन्हा चलना मुश्किल है.

क्यूँ खडा अकेला हूँ मैं भीड़ में,
क्यूँ मेरा छिपना मुश्किल है,
क्यूँ अपनी ही धड़कन को सुनना,
कुछ कुछ सा नामुमकिन है.

क्यूँ होते हैं रिश्ते -नाते,
जो बांधे फंसें हर दम मुझको.
क्यूँ अपनों को अपना कहना,
बस यह भी तो नामुमकिन है.

क्यूँ आसान है कहना सुनना,
क्यूँ कुछ भी करना मुश्किल है.
क्यूँ आसान है हर पल मरना,
क्यूँ एक पल जीना मुश्किल है.

अक्सर पूछा करता हूँ मैं खुद से,
क्या जीना भी नामुमकिन है.
बस एक आवाज मैं सुनता हूँ,
मुमकिन है, हाँ मुमकिन है।

©copyright protected 1985-............

कुछ बातें

कुछ ऐसा जाम पिला दे साकी,

मेरा सब गम मिट जाए

न रहे कसक कोई दिल में,

बस हर अँधियारा मिट जाए

कुछ मंजिल मेरी मिल जाए,
कुछ राहत मुझको मिल जाए
कुछ ढल जाए ये रात का साया,
कुछ सुबह का सूरज दिख जाए


कुछ दिल को मेरे मिले सुकून,
पथराई आँखें नम जाएँ
इस दौड़ भाग के मेले में ,
बस वक्त का पहिया थम जाए


कुछ ख़ुद से कर लूँ बातें मैं,
चुन लूँ अपने ख्वाब सभी
कुछ मेरे मिटते ख्वाबों को,
हलकी सी जुम्बिश मिल जाए

कुछ ऐसा जाम पिला दे साकी,
मेरा सब गम मिट जाए
न रहे कसक कोई दिल में,
बस हर अँधियारा मिट जाए


©copyright protected 1985-............