Thursday, March 24, 2011

What If I was a Girl?

I had gone to the local bus stand at 4Am in the morning yesterday. JP [Humble Arrogance] wanted to smoke a cigarette and i wanted to eat/drink some fresh air, so went to the bus stand and saw buses coming from different places and going to different places. People got down, some boarded the bus and the journey continued. It gave me a very strange and nice feeling that I was looking at the moving buses. Drivers changed hands , passengers got changed but the bus moved on, to a new destination for some and the same old one for itself.

I felt happy that I was looking at buses and the lights and the open sky and the dark black roads.

I felt free, I wanted to come down and I came down.
I did not seek anybody's permission, I just thought and I did.
JP wanted to smoke so he smoked, I wanted to look at the buses, so I stood there and watched. I did not care about the taxi drivers who were drunk or those who were not even taxi drivers but were yet drunk.
I laughed loudly, I even abused randomly, some people looked at me but they were drunk and I was not.
The buses went away, I said a silent bye to them and JP laughed at me because I was looking at the buses, I said Fuck You to him and asked him not to blow his smoke on me.

We came back and then I thought a dangerous thought, What if I was a girl?
I would not have owned a bike and even if I had one I would not have come down to the bus stand just to look at the buses.
I would have feared my parents, what if they get to know.
I would have tried to hide it from my brothers because they would have felt bad.
I would not have told this to my boyfriend because he would have simply not taken this shit.

And then I reached my room and realized that I was not a girl. I did not have to seek permissions or hide anything from anyone.
I don't seek permission of my parents for many things, for anything almost, but things would have been very different if I was a girl. Permissions, rules, freedom, free will, this looks crazy when I think about life that way because we ,for sure,live in a crazy society.
There is a good old friend of mine who wanted to buy a dress, a nice skirt. She told me that she would buy it and wear it in her house because it was bit revealing and uncommon for a small town.

I did not think twice before buying a worn-out jeans for myself and she lost the charm of the dress because people would stare. She even told me that people try to make a move if they see someone wearing such dresses.

Ah! We live in a crazy society for sure.

What if I was a girl?
I would have been very very sad if I were a girl. :(

Saturday, March 19, 2011

"My pain is only as large as my inability to see pain around me" [दर्द - ए - डिस्को]

My sister has this weird disease, which doctors call Pancreatic Calcific Chronic Stone. She has experienced the painful but amazing process of Endoscopy twice in the last 1.5 years. Endoscopy is amazing because they put something into your mouth, that reaches your pancreas, reflects your inside out on a screen and doctors put certain things in order to make a flawed man/woman, normal again.
Endoscopy is painful because when they insert that wire in your mouth that reaches into your stomach, it makes you go crazy in your head. I have never been Endoscoped but pain must be unbearable because when I brush my teeth in the morning and the brush strokes become a little harsh, sometimes my mouth starts bleeding. So the wire, aluminum/steel/whatever wire when moves through your mouth into the throat and then into the wild, it must be painful.
Now to make the case even more interesting. doctors tell her that she will have to undergo Endoscopy once in every year for the next five years, so that they can remove the unfailing production of stones in her pancreas. She has some problem with her glands that keeps her pancreas full of stones of different radii and dimensions. To keep things smooth and less painful, they have inserted a device which is known as Pancreatic Stent and it pains as hell whenever she tries to move or bend. Moreover, when they will probably fix her case, five years down the line, she will have a maturity gift of Diabetes.

So she was feeling low and sad for all these things happening with her and not so good upbringing of her two year son , which I am sure as hell is 100% going good, because at 2 he knows Hanuman Chaleesa, Raamayan, Mahabharat, and when someone told him not to write with left hand, he replied that it is my hand not yours.
However, to stay on the topic, one fine day I met her old friend in Hamirpur. I spoke to her and asked for her number and passed it on to my sister. Just before that day, I spoke to sis and although she did not express, I knew that she was sad and in a very painful condition. Now both of the old pals speak to each other and the next day she tells me this.
Sis: I spoke to her
Me: Ok
Sis: She had a problem of Rheumatoid Arthritis [गठिया] for the last 8 years.
Me : Ok
Sis: She did not move out of bed for 8 long years, relatives will change her clothes, sponge bathe her and perform every thing on bed for her.
Sis: I can even talk, walk, see and express. I feel sad for her.
She had to visit PGI few days later for her regular follow up. Things were not as good as expected and she calls me again.
Sis: I met my close friend's father [some other friend] today in Solan.
Me : Ok
Sis: He is suffering from lower back tumor [or something even more serious]. The lower part of his body cannot move. He is completely dependent for the last 5 years. His whole body was a mess and I felt very bad and sad.
Me: Ok
Me: Probably this is a message for you that you are good, in a good condition. Although I wonder how comparing your pain with others can make you feel good but yes that is the way it is. You are blessed/privileged to live a better life than those two [ or probably millions of people] just make the best use of it.
Sis : How do you know?
Me: Come on, you only told all this to me seven years ago, when I broke my leg in three places and back in two. :)

Sis: Ok
Moral of the Story: दुनिया में कितना गम है, मेरा गम कितना कम है || My pain is only as large as my inability to see pain around me.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Road to Leh - Why do you go to Leh?

Road in river or river in road, it becomes very difficult to tell when you to go to Leh.

It becomes even more difficult when cold water coming directly from the pure snow of Himalayas enter inside your shoes while you try to push your Royal Enfield through the muddy waters.

Ironical it may sound but you smile when you realize that your last pair of socks is wet as hell and you can drain a bucketful of water out of it.

It becomes horribly difficult when you try to sleep inside your tent during your transit stay and you feel that you have difficulty in breathing, chilly winds making you schizophrenic and you hallucinate that the tents flowing in the air.

And you know it before you plan to go to Leh.

You knew it last year as well, when you got stuck in snow for two days, slept in the back seat of a Tata Sumo, walked 17 fucking kilometers in snow, sun and water.

But you want to go there, again, this year as well.

And for the coming years also.

This is what Leh can do to you. This is what the Himalayas can do to you. They make you crazy.

You live in a city/village/town where the roads are bad, traffic is crazy.

You complain about the road condition, the traffic and every other god damn thing that is uncomfortable.

Yet you want to go to Leh where the definition of roads changes completely. You do not complain about it then, you want it to be like this.

You go there because the snow manufacturing factory of Almighty is set up there.

You go there because those lands are still pure, unknown, yet known to everyone.

You go there because unless you go there, you will never be a complete owner of a Royal Enfield

You go there because because those roads call you.

You go there because it makes you proud in your head and if there was any heavens up there, 'this trip' will definitely count for salvation.

Infact, Why you go to Leh is an invalid question. You just go there because you should go there.

|Seek Salvation | लेह चलो|